shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
