i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
