They should really pass out barf bags in church
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
