What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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