don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
