People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize