Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
