At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
