Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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