it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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