this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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