amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
