I heard we made out
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
