I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
