Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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