I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
