I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
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WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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