I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
