every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
