i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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