So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
