you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
