return my video game
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
