why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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