porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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