I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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