So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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