Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
