Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We had to coat check the pizza.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
