i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
