were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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