I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
