she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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