Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
