I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
