She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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