so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
