next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
