I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
