I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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