I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.