I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
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I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.