You're my little dorito
the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit