I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!