toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
