I want to stick my p in your. b.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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