I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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