i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
