Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
