you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
