U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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