My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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