i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
