that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
