did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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