When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
