I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?