You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."