Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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