I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂