Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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(202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.

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(413): Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke. http://tfl.nu/75mi

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?

(910): View more from North Carolina

succeeding

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(781): we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives? (910): succeeding http://tfl.nu/avwv

Replies (10) Good night (5080) Bad night (893)
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(703): View more from Virginia

like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

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(703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.

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(920): He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me. http://tfl.nu/y4m9

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(989): View more from Michigan

If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back

(906): View more from Michigan

I resent that

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(989): If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back (906): I resent that http://tfl.nu/qneu

Replies (6) Good night (2725) Bad night (1463)
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(626): View more from California

It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.

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(626): It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned. http://tfl.nu/eehp

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(646): View more from New York

So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking

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(646): So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking http://tfl.nu/bz34

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(203): View more from Connecticut

She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.

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(203): She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE. http://tfl.nu/wm9f

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(313): View more from Michigan

So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.

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(313): So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk. http://tfl.nu/79dj

Replies (4) Good night (2005) Bad night (487)
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(904): View more from Florida

I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.

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(904): I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really. http://tfl.nu/399x

Replies (4) Good night (1287) Bad night (368)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.

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(404): Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent. http://tfl.nu/9bag

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(503): View more from Oregon

How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?

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(503): How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor? http://tfl.nu/eg7j

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(240): View more from Maryland

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA

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(240): HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA http://tfl.nu/oasy

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(562): View more from California

Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!

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(562): Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?! http://tfl.nu/ufe7

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