Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
