First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
