I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
