i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
