wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm passing your future prison.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
