I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm too high and old for this...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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