she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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