Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
