Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
