Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
