hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
