i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
