Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
do nipples grow back?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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