I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
