its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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