the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
